I said goodbye to doing something I love
As much as I never wanted to keep track of this, it's been a year since I was told that I was being fired from my then job as a copywriter. It had been the third time that time. The company itself was facing difficult times. Now I feel like they had no choice but to do it. It helped them stay afloat , especially with what happened months later to the world.
I've lost count of the many times I've been asked about how my professional life is like here in the Metro; and every time I answer, I find myself being less and less overcome by the initial emotions that set through me.
I worked a job that had me do something that I loved to do and thought would be able to do for a living for years to come. Needless to say, I had dreams, I wanted to meet people, I wanted to grow. No matter how much trouble or challenges I faced, I decided to stay. Coming home at 2am and coming in at 9am or 10am, working on the weekends, coming in on weekends, having random ideas in as early or late as 3am, those didn't matter if it meant I could get my name out there.
Luckily most of those didn't happen with my second agency... still got fired though. //laughs
Then came the third employer. Which, you know what? Proved that third time really was the charm.
I can't recall if I've mentioned this, but I had the one of the bests in every employer. The first one gave me one of the best friendships, the second gave me the best boss, and the third had me sit down with the best mentor (even if that was for only 5 months).
And honestly I didn't think I'd be writing about those experiences A G A I N. WHY AM I NOT GETTING TIRED OF THIS? IS THIS THE CANCER THAT I AM BEING NOSTALGIC IN A BAD WAY/???!!! (But looking back, I'd have used one word to make at least 5 or 10 ideas at a time. I guess it's an occupational hazard.)
I love writing enough to that I thought I could make a career out of it. In fact, I was successful at it for a time... Until the it came down to me choosing between my health and my drive to keep learning and growing.
Right now, I work a job that's quite different from where my past self intended to be. I don't have to write on a daily basis, meetings aren't an everyday thing, the pressure is still there but not for having to meet as many deadlines. The most writing that I do here are letters to wherever or whomever my boss specifies.
It wasn't until recently that one of my bosses mentioned this new plan; and it involved me going back to writing. As fun as it sounded, I couldn't help but reel back to what my life was like in the previous jobs.
The fear is there. The anxiety, thankfully, hasn't set in. The stars in my eyes? Whoa, I can't believe I hid them so well when we were talking about it. (As soon as I started typing this part, my heart started beating a bit faster (?) and my hands started trembling a little.)
But... I want to be more optimistic about this. If I end up not liking this, I won't lose my job as fast as the previous ones. I'd still have something to fall back on. And if it does become a success... then I'll worry about it when it does.
Did I ever miss writing as an occupation? I did for the most part. I look or pass by ads and think about the process that happened for it to become what it is. I'm still a grammar nazi. I'm still very particular about the long posts I make on social networking sites.
Do I plan to go back? I honestly can't answer that. The job's negatives still outweigh my positives. And should the say come that I decide to, I feel like it'll be too much for me. And that it'll be too late.
Writing still finds me from time to time. It's something I love and, at the moment, it's something I want to do at my own pace. Perhaps in its pace as well.
It's when something you love is bad for you that you have to let it go.. But when it comes back, it's, for lack of a better term, meant to be.
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