What I learned about Relationships from friends with more experience
Over the course of being single, more than 6 years if I'm to count, I've been conjuring up what my ideal partner would be like. But like the how I usually am, I try to make sure that this practice shouldn't be put side by side with an actual potential partner. Because if I were to really think about, the great relationships that happen around me are quite unique and surprisingly, and not surprisingly, unexpected.
I have friends who've had their fair share of long-term, toxic, and ongoing relationships. So while their going around being lovey-dovey, I decided to take cues. Some of them even went on to share their advice and tips with me.
Take note though, these are all subjective. I'm not saying that you should follow it or anything, or that these are the rule of relationship or the like.
1. Never lower your standards.
Okay. So I've read plenty of posts that talk about how women should lower their standards because that's one of the main reasons that they can't get in a relationship. But my friends think otherwise.
The point of setting standards is so you don't regret the relationship you're in. It's how you can make sure that, even if things do end with a break up, then you'd have been able to end it well.
2. On the first date, show your worst.
Ah, yes. The first date. It's when you two are so awkward and timid (maybe), and where you have the privacy to get to know each other at a different level. But really, the first date should really be about testing how it'll be like to actually spend and and devote time to the other.
So the moment the first date arrives, you should REALLY show what you're like as a partner. Bring up your flaws, your fears. Personally, if a guy can't handle my farting and burping, then we're gonna have a serious problem.
3. Be the one that loves less but gives more.
Sounds difficult, doesn't it? Let's face it. We're afraid of getting hurt or hurting the other. And believe me when I say that I've had a number of friends approaching me with "I love her but she doesn't seem to be doing anything" and/or "I give and I give."
To love less than the other means that you should be cautious as to where you put your heart into. To give more means to give the partner a sense of let me show you how I feel in a way I can do it. And that brings me to the next one...
4. Put your heart into making the relationship grow, not in keeping it the same.
Remember seeing all those pictures and illustrations where the beginning of a relationship is all cautious then it gradually turns into two dorks having the times of their dorky lives? I think that's what relationships should turn out to be. Your relationship is like a pet. You feed it, spend time with it, and marvel at its growth and the intelligence that it displays.
I think the best example for this is when a couple knows each other so well that they know how to cheer each other up, no matter what the situation. Girl is sad? No problem because boy knows the right words to say. Boy is upset? Not to worry because girl knows how much her hugs can calm him down.
It's either the relationship grows, or it goes.
5. Communicate.
How many times have my friends told me that they can't read their partner? How many fights begin when the other just won't share his or her opinion on the relationship? If you answer your partner's "Hey, what's wrong?"with "Nothing," then you may need to rethink how you see this playing out in the long run.
Communication plays an important role in helping the relationship grow. How will you know each other's favorites? Dislikes? Allergies? And it's through weird and deep conversations that the relationship grows in a different sense. I can't really delve into that since I haven't come across it. The closest I have to describing it, however, is by quoting a friend on her partner being "easy to talk to."
6. Love the self and love the other as he/she is.
I have friend who has a friend that prefers women who are "blank canvases." Women that he can shape into someone he hopes will be her best self.
That, for me, is dumb.
Same friend thought the same. When getting into a relationship, you want to work on the relationship rather than on improving the other (for lack of a better term). You'll want the relationship to be comprised of two strong people who know they are, who challenge each other, and who can help each other achieve both individual and shared goals.
7. Leaving a toxic relationship is bliss.
Just recently, as in the night before writing this post, a friend of mine finally broke off her relationship long-time beau. It was something she saw coming, what with how she was being treated. She was told how to dress, talk, where to go, and where not to go. That made her crazy and craving for a way to get out.
She finally did last night. And being a writer herself, all the words just can tumbling out when she told me. She described it as a thorn she could ignore until finally it pierced through her skin enough to hurt really bad. That's something.
8. Taking a break from having long-term relationships is a good thing.
Another friend of mine has always been in long-term relationships. All of which lasted more than a year or two. So when it came down to break off his latest more-than-1-year relationship, he couldn't feel freer. The thing about relationships is that sometimes it's all one thinks about when they're in the middle of one. It ends up feeling like a chore to love and show it. So when the time came for that friend to break off his current one due to living in the Metro, he told me "Now I can think for myself."
9. Trust.
I can't stress how much this is important to me. Especially since I'm known to be out and about and rather closed off when it comes to certain topics. Even more so since I hang out with male friends a lot and I tend to also tell my male friends I love them. Trust that your partner will not turn on you, and that he/she will not do anything he'll/she'll regret.
So there. This is what I learned from friends who've been through more than me. It's either they've told me these things, or I learned about them through observing.
And again, these are all subjective. I'm no relationship guru nor am I the best advice giver. I just wanted to publish all these because my friends are great people that deserve to have their stories known, one way or another.
Let me know about your own tips and opinions as well! I'd love a good conversation. And let me know if this got too confusing so I can take it into account and improve the next time.
I have friends who've had their fair share of long-term, toxic, and ongoing relationships. So while their going around being lovey-dovey, I decided to take cues. Some of them even went on to share their advice and tips with me.
Take note though, these are all subjective. I'm not saying that you should follow it or anything, or that these are the rule of relationship or the like.
1. Never lower your standards.
Okay. So I've read plenty of posts that talk about how women should lower their standards because that's one of the main reasons that they can't get in a relationship. But my friends think otherwise.
The point of setting standards is so you don't regret the relationship you're in. It's how you can make sure that, even if things do end with a break up, then you'd have been able to end it well.
2. On the first date, show your worst.
Ah, yes. The first date. It's when you two are so awkward and timid (maybe), and where you have the privacy to get to know each other at a different level. But really, the first date should really be about testing how it'll be like to actually spend and and devote time to the other.
So the moment the first date arrives, you should REALLY show what you're like as a partner. Bring up your flaws, your fears. Personally, if a guy can't handle my farting and burping, then we're gonna have a serious problem.
3. Be the one that loves less but gives more.
Sounds difficult, doesn't it? Let's face it. We're afraid of getting hurt or hurting the other. And believe me when I say that I've had a number of friends approaching me with "I love her but she doesn't seem to be doing anything" and/or "I give and I give."
To love less than the other means that you should be cautious as to where you put your heart into. To give more means to give the partner a sense of let me show you how I feel in a way I can do it. And that brings me to the next one...
4. Put your heart into making the relationship grow, not in keeping it the same.
Remember seeing all those pictures and illustrations where the beginning of a relationship is all cautious then it gradually turns into two dorks having the times of their dorky lives? I think that's what relationships should turn out to be. Your relationship is like a pet. You feed it, spend time with it, and marvel at its growth and the intelligence that it displays.
I think the best example for this is when a couple knows each other so well that they know how to cheer each other up, no matter what the situation. Girl is sad? No problem because boy knows the right words to say. Boy is upset? Not to worry because girl knows how much her hugs can calm him down.
It's either the relationship grows, or it goes.
5. Communicate.
How many times have my friends told me that they can't read their partner? How many fights begin when the other just won't share his or her opinion on the relationship? If you answer your partner's "Hey, what's wrong?"with "Nothing," then you may need to rethink how you see this playing out in the long run.
Communication plays an important role in helping the relationship grow. How will you know each other's favorites? Dislikes? Allergies? And it's through weird and deep conversations that the relationship grows in a different sense. I can't really delve into that since I haven't come across it. The closest I have to describing it, however, is by quoting a friend on her partner being "easy to talk to."
6. Love the self and love the other as he/she is.
I have friend who has a friend that prefers women who are "blank canvases." Women that he can shape into someone he hopes will be her best self.
That, for me, is dumb.
Same friend thought the same. When getting into a relationship, you want to work on the relationship rather than on improving the other (for lack of a better term). You'll want the relationship to be comprised of two strong people who know they are, who challenge each other, and who can help each other achieve both individual and shared goals.
7. Leaving a toxic relationship is bliss.
Just recently, as in the night before writing this post, a friend of mine finally broke off her relationship long-time beau. It was something she saw coming, what with how she was being treated. She was told how to dress, talk, where to go, and where not to go. That made her crazy and craving for a way to get out.
She finally did last night. And being a writer herself, all the words just can tumbling out when she told me. She described it as a thorn she could ignore until finally it pierced through her skin enough to hurt really bad. That's something.
8. Taking a break from having long-term relationships is a good thing.
Another friend of mine has always been in long-term relationships. All of which lasted more than a year or two. So when it came down to break off his latest more-than-1-year relationship, he couldn't feel freer. The thing about relationships is that sometimes it's all one thinks about when they're in the middle of one. It ends up feeling like a chore to love and show it. So when the time came for that friend to break off his current one due to living in the Metro, he told me "Now I can think for myself."
9. Trust.
I can't stress how much this is important to me. Especially since I'm known to be out and about and rather closed off when it comes to certain topics. Even more so since I hang out with male friends a lot and I tend to also tell my male friends I love them. Trust that your partner will not turn on you, and that he/she will not do anything he'll/she'll regret.
So there. This is what I learned from friends who've been through more than me. It's either they've told me these things, or I learned about them through observing.
And again, these are all subjective. I'm no relationship guru nor am I the best advice giver. I just wanted to publish all these because my friends are great people that deserve to have their stories known, one way or another.
Let me know about your own tips and opinions as well! I'd love a good conversation. And let me know if this got too confusing so I can take it into account and improve the next time.
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